alien encounters

The High Life

2009-12-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

It's decent. What else?
Take a good look at what this really means, girl.
Step back and soak in the sickening symbolism;
Are you wondering why you even bother? Good.

for what

2009-08-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

What for?

abducted

2009-03-04T15:21:00.000-08:00

Somethings to keep in mind:
it's a pill and you've got to take it.
swallowed in an open field
with lights and centripetal forces...
winds like breathing and i'm aboard.
and with no escape in sight,
my bags hit the floor.

the middle ear

2009-01-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

there are things i can't see.
they swish and gasp in the puddles of my inner ear.
slightly buzzing across the blood in my brain they are making waves that i can't ignore; that i feel in the back of my shoulder blades.
a nauseating tide that rises and falls so quickly i start from the tall grass and end in the middle of the ocean in seconds.
something has changed now. my inner ear is still. there is nothing struggling against gravity.
now, with my ears submerged in the deep salty blankets there are things i can't hear.
and all i see is an unsettling shade of refracted blue. no edges, no margins.
a reflection of a boy standing in front a mirror. a ghost in the skies.
and his stare is yours; made of the dark middles of hurricanes.

unbreakable orbits

2008-08-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

aye, that's the rub.

the ghost of genova heights

2007-12-01T10:07:00.001-08:00

The endless nights of Genova Heights. I had to leave. I had to leave.

-Stars @ the Pheonix, Toronto

A far cry from a prince...

2007-11-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

Remember when i went away? Remember when i called you and cried into my end of the phone?
"Where is my little rose? Has the sheep got to her? The elements, maybe?" Surrounded by the unending beauty of the European countryside all I wanted was to be with my rose.
Now is not so different. I must return to you, my little rose. You have sent me messages from your end of the phone this time too, and you are also crying. You have described to me the sheep's suggestive glances. And now I am wondering if I forgot your glass bowl...
So i will fall into the sand as a tree does (without a sound).

I love you, my rose.
And I'm sorry I left your teddy on the underground.

Le Jour d'Avant- Yann Tiersen

get out

2007-11-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

i keep blinking and it takes hours
there was something about living that i used to know quite well. i have forgotten it while blinking somewhere...
on the warm grass of the arbouritum; in between the edges of a most amazing home; in the heart of a man i am learning; in the backseat of a borrowed van listening to good-bye sounds and cries of "you're not ready yet"; in the last few rows of a movie theater; in this stale, helpless box with sadly hopeful faces looking on to where i will be; on a seat in the subway that i just didn't want to share...
so now all i can do is wrack my brain to try and find what piece fell out. it consumes me until i get back (to the top and i turn and i got for a ride)
and then my mind is a rubix cube upon completion; being set back on the shelf, done and waiting patiently to become confused again.

"you're not ready."
thanks brain, i think i'm finally okay with that.

(see simon: as a teddy bear without a map to the picnic)
(see annie: giving a fuck to stuart)

shitcake

2007-11-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

my sister and i made a tribute cake...
to shit-kickers.

going to ikea

2007-11-11T13:21:00.000-08:00

'cause everyone i know is too comfortable with their lives to want be a part of change.

and everyone i know is leaving for the weekend with tickets to the game.

when i was just a little thought

2007-10-29T21:59:00.001-07:00

what are you for grand old hallows eve?
why i am just a little thought

L is for lysergic

2007-10-20T15:43:00.000-07:00

the human race is experiencing an epidemic

place this like so
to avoid contagion

that is all.

what was

2007-10-18T14:22:00.002-07:00

there is no remembrance of former things
This is the spectacle spectacular that was What Was.

The bonds are like giant palm tree trunks wrapping around my mind and lovingly squeezing my jellysnakes into venomous guck.

This is the time/now.
...which makes it a challenge to decide.
Wait a minute, man, wasn't this supposed to keep going?
Is that seriously it?

Something must be done.

I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Mind games, baby. That's what we've all been playin'. That's what the world's been playin'.
The end should be a good one.

we are the believers

curiosity

we agree with.

i don't care too much for money

2007-10-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

cause money can't buy me love

see: Across The Universe
please.

CHAR in CHARge ep.4

2007-10-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Pure Cinema,

Here you go.

she's moving out in all directions

2007-10-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

i can't sleep again.
but something tells me i will soon.

2007-09-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

Finally something coming out of this half-life I've been trying to masquerade as full. I'm pumping my body full of iced frappuccinos, rinsing out the glass bottle after it's empty- each time my hands shake a little more when I place the bottle in the drying rack. I think I'm evening off now though because of the chill-out I just smoked.

I'm going to escape and get upside-downed and drowned.

CHAR in CHARge ep.3

2007-09-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

that's right bitches. that's right.

gimme your hands

2007-09-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

'cause you're wonderful

i have seen the water lifted from its body into the air. i have been lifted from my own body in a ceremonious departure of pin pricks and soft fingertips. a heaven inches above where i lay.
it's like learning a new language.
and now that i know where home is, maybe i feel safer in my own skin. Because when i first returned my skin was a mess of tears and cool shivers.
it was strange to be tugged out of what i thought there was. only to be able to see what really is there and to be forced back in.
into a sack of balloons and straws. a ball pit inside a leather bag.

i want handcuffs next time. so maybe i won't be so tempted to try and leave.

p.s. i'll get the next episode up as soon as the work levels off...

heavy weight wrestler, fight me in your comforter.

CHAR in CHARge ep.2

2007-09-05T21:30:00.001-07:00

Phone Massage

What a day, I tell ya...

Some days aren't yours at all,
they come and as if they're someone else's days.
I feel serious about learning, expanding. I don't want to just scrape by anymore.
This has to make some kind of difference in my life. I can't have moved so far from everything to repeat the past four years (although I'd very much like to). It's weird and difficult to explain. My prof for sex and gender said it best when she called it "difficult knowledge". When you are overly seduced or repulsed by something you hadn't known before. Like a system overload. You over-react and you under-analyze.
But this is not the time nor the place for such things. I am not going to the classes to teach, I am going to learn. For Once.

CHAR in CHARge ep.1

2007-09-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

THIS IS WHAT I MISS

This is the only episode like this, I promise.

who will build the great wall?

2007-09-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

spinning women with bobbing skirts like parachutes.
i missed your call and you sounded so sad on the phone.
it makes my insides curl around to the small of my back all at once.
it's just like the movies
and right now is that part of the film where the montage of my university education kicks in, lasting only minutes instead of years.
come on, anytime now...
all i can think about for days is you inside me, but there are so many walls.
so, who was the one who built the great wall? was it the emperor with all his fine silks and charm (concubines)? or, the answer seemingly in the majority, the evil white queen; with her rings and eyelashes that touch the ground.
it's certainly difficult to be certain, that's for sure.

all i can worry about for days is what might be growing inside me, but there are so many variables and so little cash. your absence is making this worse. every doubtful thought as to my health and every horrible thought as to your growing distance is making me shake like milk and strawberry ice-cream in a little metal cup. i can still smell you in the air around me and it makes me nauseous to think it'll be so much longer 'til i can bury my face in your shirt. i found the thin/curved mark of human teeth on my shoulder this morning and my eyes welled up with something strange and wet. i miss those mouth fossils of yours. please call me, and please don't get lost in that silver mine.

now that that drama's out, EVERYBODY look out for my first broadcast of "CHAR IN CHARge"
that's right. now i'm in AUDIO/VISUAL for the masses.

a time and a time

2007-08-26T16:54:00.000-07:00

i'll take you where nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn.
you were right; they all want to settle down.
they want you to look out of the window above the sink at the same man mowing the same lawn.
i can take the fire.
this metal box is full of ghosts.
ghosts of the worst kind; those that are still living.
my tectonic plates are shifting and fighting their way out of my chest in an anxious frenzy.
smashing together and grinding slowly at the fault line running from my head to my belly.
my dream girl don't exist
it's just you and i and this t.v.
take time.
my theory is that my magma is in a state of temporary flux; temporally and spatially.
take time.
theoretically then what is happening is my outer plating cannot take the extra pressures and fluidity of
my innards and is battling itself.
the result of which is the formation of strange stalactite-like topographical map of everywhere i've ever been.
that which is now hath already been.
this has been so difficult for me because the noise from my shifting plates is so loud and distracting that i've forgotten that in my head is a film strip.
floating around in the magma is something that stretches every moment in time to infinity in both directions, and something that contains everything in the universe in every second.
that which is to be hath already been.
the clouds have dipped their toes into the earth; flying lower than the tiny biplanes that weave through them. this is the atmosphere's equivalent to deep-sea diving.
the complete army of sky meringue crying ammunition and pictures of far-off pretty girls to the ground.
something is happening that is not happening.

i miss you all terribly terribly much.

the ocean's on fire

2007-08-12T04:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a stalemate is as frustrating as one cushion on a floor of lava.

You can feel the feather-filling balling up under your heels and you wonder how it isn't hot.

You don't want to die in a firey cannonball into red-Hell so you just stand still.

Now I suppose you know how i feel.

Hey ladybird fly away home
your house's on fire,
children all gone.

gut Feeling

2007-08-03T08:27:00.001-07:00

What does this product contain?

Flavour.

D-calf

2007-08-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

i found LSD again. the drought is over.

it makes me want to not sleep until summer ends an unreasonable amount.
with the spattered hallucinations pittering out i'm beat and i'm ready to sleep uninterrupted.

i'm thinking, also and out loud, that a tattoo before shuttle launch to T.O. could quite possibly be just what the doctor ordered.

SLEEP,

HAVE SEX,

WATCH TV,

EAT JUNK FOOD,

YELL AT OLD PEOPLE.

check, check, double check.

i am currently functioning at maximum potential.

after tonight i'll dissappear

2007-07-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

Now is the perfect time. Even the strange magic-magnet-board thinks so.

where am I going?

http://view.break.com/335268 - Watch more free videos

hopefully i'll dissappear into a world like this.
oh god i hope so...

flights of fancy

2007-07-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

sometimes people just need to be sucker-punched. i wish that would happen infront of me more often. where everything slows down as one man strikes another. as teeth and blood fly.

pretty spectacle spectacular.
a poem (to soften the violent mood i have arisen in you, i'm sure):

You are reaching to
a spectacular view
of the place where you
used to live.
An infinite number of arm's lengths away
and counting,
it's a forest you'll only see
in you brain again.

You are floating.
You are uncontrollable,
rolling and drifting
through long metal cottages;
ones that are flickering red
and blue and purple belts.

A baby still inside its mother
you eat and you breathe
through a tube from your belly,
and when you get tired
or sick from the spinning
you mother; she swallows you whole.

And you take off your helmet
and cut the umbilical.

No longer connected
but the only things out there.

sleep to dream

2007-07-17T14:29:00.001-07:00

i've got my feet on the ground and i don't have to fall asleep to dream.

i'd like to roll everything. i heart katamari.

everything is coming up milhouse, and as long as i stay un-bored, i will happiness his highness and grow the largest katamari ever.

hide it from the adults

2007-07-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

my dream last night was stressful,

but still not a nightmare.

shoes...

or rocket-powered feet?